Let me just tell you that when I was a little girl I wanted 4 kids, the yellow house with a white picket fence and 2 dogs, oh and the most handsome husband! blah blah blah.. you know the fairy tale! Well, life isn't a fairy tale!
Long story short, I had 2 amazing children and after my second was born, I decided to get my tubes tied. I ended up divorced and KNEW that getting my tubes tied was the right thing because I knew that I was NEVER EVER getting married again. THEN... I met my most handsome husband(a part of my fairy tale).
We got married and immediately started talking about expanding our family. We went to Chapel Hill, got my tubes untied and started the Journey of having a baby. After several months and no luck, my OBGYN did a series of tests that showed I had PCOS and my right tube was blocked. Sad, depressed, but determined, we decided to take the plunge and go to the REACH clinic in Charlotte NC and start fertility treatments. After daily visits, lots of lab work, thousands of dollars on drugs, shots and timed.. you know... ALL of that failed! We decided to go forward with adoption through our local church service (LDS Social Services) so, we pay the necessary money for the home study, SLED checks, finger prints, house checks, interviews, my childrens' interviews, water tests, immunizations records, doctors' notes, you name it and we did it.
Anyways... I'm trying to compile this so it's not so long.(Hang in there)
Growing up I witnessed special needs children getting teased by others. Children are brutal when it came to others being different. I never stood up for those individuals that were being teased for fear that I would be teased. In my heart, as a teenager, I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a parent of a special needs child or atleast be a mentor for those children. So as Ron and I continued our adoption journey, we searched the internet for a Down's Baby because that's what Ron and I were comfortable with. We had no luck there so we went through several DSS sites, we sent our HS to probably 30 different organizations with NO luck. Sad, ticked off, depressed, overcome with emotion, did I say ticked off, we decided to just give it a break for awhile.
2 short months after we had "given up" I got a call at 8:30am on Wednesday April 28th from our SW with our church asking us if we wanted to be family B for a baby that was being born with Spina Bifida, Hydrocephalus and possibly some heart problems. She said that Family A that had been chosen may or may not back out. My response was SURE! My question to her was when is the baby due? She said "in 30 minutes, she's going into surgery right now." I was happy to say the least but when I talked to my husband on the phone, I told him not to get his hopes up because who in there right mind would "back out" of an adoption? I prayed and prayed and prayed my little heart out for several hrs waiting for the phone call from our SW. Jean, our SW called me as I was in the line at my son's school to pick him up. I was SOOOO nervous to answer her call and was trying to hold back tears if she was to say, "Sorry Mrs Black, maybe next time." When I answered, her first question was, "have you been praying?" I told her YES, and she said, "the baby is yours!!!" I can't remember much, I actually think I peed on myself...just kidding!! Everything after that was pretty much a blur. I remember talking to the attorney several times that night, getting directions to Greenville Hospital, getting the low down on my baby's condition and of course ON LINE shopping for my new baby boy! We had nothing but a bouncer that I purchased about 6 mos prior just because it was practically brand new and a GREAT deal.
The next morning we were on our way to Greenville SC with the kids(we kept them out of school because they were excited to meet their new brother). we spent about an hr with the birth parents and at 2:30p they signed their rights over and we got to name our sweet baby...Landen Bishop Black. He had surgery to close the opening on his back so he had to stay in the NICU for 5 1/2 weeks before we were able to bring him home, where he belonged.
Some people may not understand adoption and some people may feel sorry for me... PLEASE DON'T! I did not squeeze Landen out of a teeny tiny hole in my body but that does not make him any less part of me. Like any birth, Landen is a miracle to us and was made just for us just like any biological child.
My mom told me when I got my tubes tied that I was going to regret it. Last night when we were talking, she said,"I bet you regret getting your tubes tied don't you?" I said NO mom because if I had not gotten my tubes tied, we would not have Landen. The thing is, my tubes are untied now and I can still have children...with a little help from Dr's... but what difference does it make whether or not I push a baby out of me or we make babies "outside of the bedroom"?
So, my fairy tale is exactly the way I want it to be! I have the most handsome husband, I have 3 wonderful children, a brick house( not yellow) no picket fence(I really don't like those anyways) and no dogs (I'm not even a dog lover).
Just a few things FYI...
Never ask a parent that has adopted a child these things...(these WILL strike a nerve)
How long have you had him/her?
Can his parents take him back? (No.....WE adopted him, he is OURS and I AM HIS PARENT!!!)
How much did he cost?(Are you serious??)
Are your kids siblings? (Duhhhhhh....sheesh!)
That's our adoption story! It's a wonderful story and someday I will have to explain it to Landen.
I just want people to know that adoption is a very difficult process. It's emotionally draining and it cannot be simplified, but at the end of the day, our children are no less "ours" than biological children.
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