I remember the day before his accident we were at my parents house and the kids were in the pool.(It was seasonably hot that year) Wes comes running outside with just his M&M boxers on and jumps into the pool splashing me and the kids. I regret leaving that day. I regret not staying and spending more time with Wes. When we left that night I remember him standing in the kitchen (of course with just boxers on) he was fixing him a hotdog and he looked up, smiled real big as we were leaving, and I said "Bye Wes, Love you!" I soooo wish that I had given him a hug and held him tight! If I had known that that was the last image, the last words, the last mental picture I would have of my brother I would have stayed there forever!!!
~Sept 27th 2006...The worst call of my life~
It was 8ish' Wed morning on Sept 27th when my mom called and asked If I had heard from Wes. I told her no, that he was probably still with his girlfriend and he would be home soon. She said "he is never late for work, I am scared something is wrong".He worked for my dad and they always left the house at the same time every morning. I assured her that if something were wrong he would have called dad. I told her that he was probably arguing with his girlfriend and that made him run late. When I got off the phone with my mom I started calling Wes. When he didn't answer time after time after time I started to pray. I prayed my entire way to work that Wes was ok. I got to work and called my mom to see if he had called. She said "No, something is wrong I know it." Before I got off the phone with mom, I said "call me once you hear from him." I started seeing my patients and forgot all about the conversations with my mom until I was in a room with a patient and I kept hearing the receptionist calling my name over the intercom for line 1. I blew it off b/c I was with a patient they could take a message. A few seconds later, the receptionist knocked on the door and told me I had a call and it was an emergency! My heart stopped, and I felt sick to my stomach. When I answered the phone, all I heard was my mom crying, and saying "Tosh, I'm sorry but he's gone!" I kept telling her "No! Tell me the truth." That was the worst day of my life! I never got to see my brother again. I never got to say a proper goodbye! The rest of the day was a blurr. The next day I got to go say goodbye to my brother but not the way I wanted. A cold room with a funeral home assistant and I could only see and hold his hand. They wouldn't allow ANY of us to see any more than his arm..up to his elbow.
It was a Hit and run car accident and no one was ever found or charged for my brothers death. He was 24 years old!
I think of him often, pretty much every day. I can be driving and hear a song that reminds me of him or Zach will say something that I can totally hear Wes say, or Landen will be doing something silly and I can see Wes laughing at him.
I remember his smile, his laughter, his goofiness, his love for martial arts and his desire to fight in a MMA (mixed martial arts) arena. He was training to do that. He had his black belt that he earned when he was a teenager. I often wonder where he would be now if he were still with us. I can see him fighting professionally and loving it.
One day I will see Wes again. Until that day, I will continue to love him and think of him and remember him each and every day. I will tell Landen all about his Uncle Wes and what a great young man he was and that one day he too will get to meet his Uncle Wes! Today, he will go with me to see Wes at his grave site. He won't know what we are doing there and I'm sure he will just try to pull up all the flowers on EVERY grave and want to get down and crawl all over the place but I want Landen to know that his uncle/ my brother was loved very much and every year we will go and place flowers and say a quick little prayer for the uncle he never had a chance of meeting while on this earth!
To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness;
here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you,
when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."
It's good to have you back again;
you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night,
the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth,
and all those loving years
because you are only human,
they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers
unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain,
though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you
and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night...
"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street,
and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go...
from that body to be free,
remember you're not going...
you're coming here to me.
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